Ms. Rachel's Instructions: This week, chase down a memory in writing. Keep it very simple--only choose one tiny part of a memory, if you need to. Keep yourself writing about it for no more than twenty minutes.
Here are the things to look for in a memory:
1. Who was there? Were you with someone else? Were you alone? Were you there with a haunting presence (like being sent to your room alone but your father's voice keeps echoing in your thoughts)? Were you in a crowd but horribly alone? Were you wanting to be alone but caught in a crowd? Were you in the presence of reassuring friends or family?
2. Name the place. Name it as accurately as you can: Disneyland in Tomorrowland in front of the line for Space Mountain near the two hour marker...on a white cot with wheels in a pink hallway at St. Michelle's hospital in Spokane WA...in the port-a-potty near a creek just past the jr. high baseball field. If it is ambiguous in your memory, describe it--"can't remember the name of the building, but I was in a tiny white room, next to a waiting area that had a Coke machine."
3. Name the time. An exact date is good (May 21, 1996). A day of the week is good (Monday). Seasons are good (end of Spring before the blistering heat of summer).
4. Identify your most powerful emotion. Self-doubt, shame, satisfaction, boredom, fear, anxiety, excitement, energized, puzzled...Take that emotion and allow yourself to reenter it. Close your eyes and allow yourself to feel it again. Then write down what it felt like. Was it a color? Did you get chills, hot flashes, waves of anxiety, tension? Describe what happened to your body. This shouldn't be a lengthy process unless there is a lot to write. Just jot it down as it first comes to you. Even if it seems unrelated.
5. The memory. Now write out the event. This may well turn out to be the shortest part of the writing. You can include the narrative, just don't let it overpower you--forcing you to take it chronologically, or through every boring meander. Smells, odors, textures, sounds--these are more important half the time than the order of the event.
My Memory: The rain drizzled drearly on the large window obscuring the beautiful but grey Germany landscape. I stood in the chapel annex at Bitburg and tried to remember what the sun looked like. Execpt for me, Lauren, Amanda, Sabrina, Adam and Mr. James, a piano, a few tables and chairs the room was wide and empty. We all were gathered around a lone table where Mr. James had set up a speaker and an i-pod. I was feeling very reluctant; the task he had for us made me want to scowl. But, as always, I kept my straight face and took the sheet of paper he handed to me. We began to practice singing the song "You are My All in All" even though only a fraction of the Youth Group showed up.
I felt very disconnected. My imagination was pulling me away from reality and everything I was doing seemed to be happening in slow motion. When someone said something it would take me a few minutes to actually grasp what they said. (this happens to me quite a lot) And, not only did I not enjoy singing in front of everybody but all the girls were a lot younger than me, and standing next to tall Adam made me feel very short. Mr. James had us sing twice then said something like, "Since there are only five of you this time, lets go get some ice cream." Well, I was thinking wbout something else at the time (I can't remember what ) so the only thing that really sunk in was "ice cream". We left the building and walked along the wet sidewalk, the rain had recently stopped. "Why are we leaving?" I thought to myself, lost in space as usual. I could only think that Mr. James had some ice cream in his car, we were right next to the grocery store after all. I continued to wonder why everyone was going to get it. I felt a chill through my sweater and finally asked, "Wait, where are we going?" Mr. James looked puzzled, "Going to get ice cream." Then, I realized that we were going to the Baskin Robins across the street. I was the only one who hadn't figured it out sooner. "But, " I said, "I left my purse and jacket inside." Everyone looked surprised, we all knew that the door locks behind us. I felt like getting angry and laughing at the same time. Luckily, the front door was open even though Andrew told us specifically that he locked it. I rushed in to get my stuff as quickly as a could in my heels. Things like this happen to me very often. Sometimes I'm very observant and sometimes I'm totally detached and lost in my daydreams.
